I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
