At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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