theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
