I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
