Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
