Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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