I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
