I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
