im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
