She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
