Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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