Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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