I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
