I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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