two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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