Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
