I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
