Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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