you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
