guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
