Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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