i jhust puked up my retainher.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My bed smells like the plague
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
