im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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