dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
