If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
