he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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