Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
