I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
