i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
