woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
