It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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