dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
