cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
