Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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