I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
