Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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