he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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