May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
