I think my fart just growled at me.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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