Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
is wine microwaveable?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
