Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
