Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
