Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
