Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
