I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
