when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
