I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
