Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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