she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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