found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
