At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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