I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
